One Wild and Precious Life

Fall, Again

Nearly a year since my last entry!  My dental hygienist once said, "If you'd get your teeth cleaned every one year, rather than every three years, you'd be a lot better off!"  (I do that now, I assure you.). It's the same with blogging: if I'd blog every one week, rather than every 48, I'd also be a lot better off, too.  So I'll give it another shot.  Here we go!

This will just be a catch-up on my life, but I promise to post something of substance next time.  I've moved.  Living with my best friend was meant to be a short-term situation that turned into something a little more than short-term (nearly 3 years!), but the time came when I needed to have a space of my own, with more of my own things and my own energy around me.  I've been able to unpack boxes that were packed in 2014 in Tennessee; seeing my own things is like being reunited with old friends that I've missed.  There's the sweet little oak dining room table that has been with me since 1973, and the pitcher my mother bought for me in Gatlinburg, Tennessee when I was in my 20s, and so much more.  My things have way too many stories attached to them, which makes it really hard to be without them, or to let them go .  Cheryl and I are still best friends, of course -- we both agreed that my move was fully due.

So this summer was one for settling into my new digs and catching up on health care, which involved four (count 'em, four) different doctors, a battery of various tests, and waiting anxiously for results.  Health care in Buffalo sure has changed since I last saw a doctor here 15 years ago: now my entire chart is online, including test results and various scans,and I can access everything.  Amazing.  But all the rigamarole makes me feel trapped in the maw of the medical monster.  I guess it comes with aging.  However, as a result of the settling in and the doctoring, I didn't get out to the trailer by the lake one single time. Not once! I couldn't face the repairs that I know need to be made, the appliances I know need to be replaced, the work that needs to be scheduled and paid for, because I can't do any of it myself.  But tomorrow Cheryl and I are going! So I'm excited about that. The weather has been so summery and hot, clear through September (except for one short cool spell), that we're even planning to go to the beach.  I can't wait.

Aside from that, I continue with my part time work, my thrice-weekly yoga, and my sobriety. I've been off, then on again, my food program, and my weight is back on the way down.  I had 2 bicycles stolen in 4 days in my new neighborhood (including my dear French 5-speed, which I'm still grieving), and now keep my third bike of the summer inside the building.  Sigh.  Last week I broke my desktop computer, so all my work now gets done on my dear iPad, with a Bluetooth keyboard. Not sure what I'll do when it's time to print something, but I'm sure I'll figure something out.

Well, that's enough for now. I'll be adding my blog address to my email signature again, so who knows? I might get a few visitors.

Sabbatical!

Yes, I'm on sabbatical.  Last night I tried my first blog post of the trip, and got hung up by the length of time it took to post photos.  So maybe I'll try again, but not right now.  I need to work on reducing their size for blog posting, I think.

My first question is, how did I ever get so lucky to have work that gives me 3 months of paid leave for "true sabbath," that is, "rest," every 5-7 years?  I certainly didn't know about this when I was in discernment for the priesthood -- I didn't choose this vocation (well, I didn't really choose it anyway -- it kind of chose me) based on getting a sabbatical.  I think I first heard about this when I was graduating from seminary, but I never really dreamed it could happen for me! I tried to plan a sabbatical 3 years ago, and nothing seemed to work out right.  This time, after nearly 10 years at St. Raphael's, everything just seemed to fall into place in the most wonderful ways.

So now I have embarked on the adventure of a lifetime.  I don't think I've had three months off work since the summer after my freshman year of high school.

My plans are in three parts.  The first two weeks I spent with my family, staying with my sister-in-law in Illinois, and haunting Terre Haute, Indiana, where I grew up.  I took many sentimental journeys there, revisiting places and people that meant (and still mean) lots to me in my growing up years.  As I said, I hope to post pictures:  of the 2 houses where I spent my childhood, schools I attended, etc.  I also had the opportunity to spend time with 2 of my life's best friends -- women I've known since we all were 13 years old.  And I had a lovely visit with my one remaining brother, Paul, who was my childhood companion, and who is the only remaining person alive who has known me since I was born (well, except for my Uncle John, whom I haven't seen in decades).

Things aren't always working out as I'd planned (thanks, John Lennon, for saying that life is what happens when you're busy making other plans), but I feel like a sponge, soaking up every experience, every adventure, and learning from it all.  So far, it's wonderful.  Miraculous, even.  I'm eating well and abstinently (no flour, sugar, or alcohol, weighed and measured quantities, regular calls to my dear, long-suffering sponsor).  I'm feeling such gratitude.  I even heard God in church (where else?) last Sunday -- it's great not to have to be "in charge," and just go and sing and listen.  Life is amazing right now.

Now I'm in Buffalo, NY (well, near there, anyway), camping by the lake in my friend Cheryl's cozy, sweet little trailer, and using a mobile hot-spot that I purchased in order to have the internet while I'm here.  My plan is to be here by the lake during the week, when the campground is nearly empty, and then be in Buffalo on the weekends, doing city things.  I'm also hoping to get a lot of writing done.  I'll be here for the next 4 weeks with my faithful dogs -- and with Cheryl, too, beginning next week.  Today it was beautiful in the morning, and then it rained, which was also nice.  I've experimented with my camera's auto-timer, and taken pictures of myself outside, alone and with the dogs.  It's the kind of day when it's hard to know what to wear -- it's damp, so feels cool, but too warm for jeans and sweaters.  So I keep changing clothes.

I've had time for reading (Cynthia Bourgeault, "The Meaning of Mary Magdalene;" Phil Cousineau, "The Art of Pilgrimage;" Richard Rohr, "Breathing Under Water;" Diane Mott Davidson, "Fatally Flaky," and more and more to come).  I've been catching up on Jack's Blog, which I'm enjoying very much.  I've been catching up on email.  I've been taking naps.  I've even been reading Facebook from time to time! Sunday I got to finally see "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel."  I guess it would be hard to go wrong with the cast it has, but I was simply enchanted.  I could have stayed with those people and watched their lives the whole night, and was sad when the 2 hours was over.

I'm also listening to a lot of old music -- revisiting the past, I guess.  Before I left, I downloaded Beach Boys (yes, it feels like 1966), Neil Diamond (yes, it feels like 1973), the BeeGees (yes, it feels like 1982), James Taylor (1971).  Oh, music can take me right back to how it felt back then!  I've also got "Graceland," the Beatles, and "Born in the USA," and I keep thinking of more music I want.

The next leg of my great sabbatical adventure is Europe -- 5 weeks in Belgium, France, Spain, and Italy.  Parishioners have given me a week's time share in southern Italy and a week in southern Spain.  I'll be chasing black madonnas all over the continent!  I'm particularly excited about seeing Paris, about which I've had dreams -- literal, night-dreams, though I've never been there, and about all the madonnas I'll be near in southern France and northern Spain.  It's truly going to be a once-in-a-lifetime trip -- unless my retirement dreams of winters in Sicily and summers in the US really work out.

So I'll be writing and adventuring and posting more here.  Stay tuned!

Snow Day!

Oooh, it's snowing on the Plateau!  Snowing and snowing!  It has been snowing for just about 24 hours straight, without stopping.  Today it's very light snow, like powdered sugar -- but non-stop, nevertheless.  It's exciting!  Everything is closed, almost, and everything that can be cancelled in this part of the world, has been.

Brrr.  The wind is blowing, too, and the temperature is 13F.  Not quite a blustery day, but close.  You can see I've been out with the snow shovel; I've also been over to my office (all of about 200 feet away).  Earlier this morning I even took the car out for a quick trip to the grocery store; but mostly I'm staying inside and cozy today, doing some work from home, taking it very easy and enjoying the day off that everyone else is getting.

I'm thinking about a conference that I attended in October in Mississippi, one that I never took the opportunity to tell you about.  It's called CREDO, and is sponsored by the national Episcopal Church for active clergy (and also for full time lay professionals in the church).  This was my second CREDO conference, the last being 8 years ago.  CREDO stands for "Clergy Reflection, Education, and Discernment Opportunity."  It's a wonderful way that the church has developed to take care of its clergy.  We were at the Gray Episcopal Camp and Conference Center near Jackson, Mississippi, and it was for priests who all attended a previous CREDO, and who are roughly the same age and years of experience.  It lasted 7 days.  It was a great opportunity to reflect on where I've come, where I am now, and where I still want to go in my career and in my life.  They fed us well, gave us lots of information and food for thought, and assigned us to small groups where we could discuss our ongoing reflection and goal-setting.  Before we went, we were to have a physical exam and complete a health profile, fill out some (absolutely confidential) financial and vocational worksheets, and ask several people from our work life to fill out surveys about us.  This gave us some really valuable baseline information to contribute to the week's work, as well.

Here are some shots of the place we stayed:

This is what I saw out my bedroom window every morning -- mist rising over the lake.  Ethereally beautiful.

This is the labyrinth (with my shadow cast across it) where we could walk and meditate as we pondered our lives.

And this is the chapel where we worshipped daily.  The weather was perfect, perhaps just a bit too warm a couple of days, but we wore shorts and t-shirts most of the time.  The camp, located across the road from our section, had a swimming pool for our use, as well.

One evening, we went into Jackson for a nice dinner out.  The street where we ate still had the facades on the buildings that were used when "The Help" was filmed.  If you haven't read that book, you must.  I loved it.  Here are a couple of shots of the fun storefronts from the early 1960s:

You can't see what's playing at the Capri, but it's "Cleopatra," with Elizabeth Taylor.

It looks a lot like the streets of the town where I grew up.  Same era, too.

On the way home I went to see Graceland.  But I'll have to share those pictures and related reflections another time.

At the end of the conference, most of us had detailed goals and plans completed.  One of my biggest realizations from the conference is how isolated I've become here in my little corner of the world.  Little by little, this corner has, in fact, become littler.  I've become more and more alone, and it was all so gradual that I didn't even notice it.  I found excuses not to go out and be with people, as the little corner became very comfortable.  But God said, "It is not good for Adam (humankind -- not a man's name) to be alone."  And it's true.  So I've been making real efforts to incorporate other people into my life and activities.  Some of that is blogging here.  Some is about being in better touch with friends and family who are distant, and also with friends close at hand -- as well as seeking out new friends.  It has involved a little effort, a little stepping outside my comfort zone again.  We introverts can play alone very happily in our little corners, but we need others, just like the extroverts do.

Something I've noticed, since I recognized my own isolation, is that now I feel lonelier.  I think I kept those feelings locked up for a long, long time.  But sometimes I miss the people I love so much that I cry.  Eventually I think I'll be looking for employment that will bring me closer to those who have known me my whole life, or close to it.  It's funny how they all are more and more important, the older I get.  When I was a kid, or even up to middle age, I could flit off on my own adventures that took me far away:  Moving from Indiana to Buffalo, then off to Connecticut to seminary, then down here to the Plateau and this lovely little church.  But as I get older, and now especially that I've unlocked my lonely heart, being close to the old, good friends, and family who has known me my whole life, seems more and more important.

I'm eager to see how this new awareness unfolds in my life; it feels as though I've set off on another leg of my journey.

Everyone stay warm and dry, you hear now?

Autumn

Summer has come and gone since I've written.  But I've been reading my friends' blogs again, and it has inspired me to return.

Since the 3rd of June, my last post, much has happened.  I've had a birthday.  I've lost 27 pounds.  I've been on vacation.  It has been a wonderful summer, though very hot!

For my birthday I was in Indiana and Illinois, visiting family.  I had a wonderful time.  I had delicious strawberry shortcake at an urban church's strawberry festival, a huge affair where over 10,000 desserts were served!  I told them about my little church's festival in May, where we serve about 350.  But it was the same wonderful feeling of a church doing ministry all together, feeding the whole community.

My sister-in-law's yard was in fine form.

 

This is looking toward the neighbor's house.  SIL has had the landscapers in, and they've worked hard on it all.  Here's where I sat in the mornings to write in my journal:

On my actual birthday, I had lunch with 4 high school friends, two of whom I literally have not seen since high school graduation.  We were all part of the same crowd in high school, attending one another's slumber parties, crying on one another's shoulders, playing soccer with a crushed up soft drink can in front of the gym, and laughing till we cried on more occasions than I can count.  It fed my soul so to see them, and was truly the best gift I've received in a long time.  That night I went to dinner with my sister-in-law and her friends at a lovely Italian restaurant located right in the Terre Haute airport.  I had chicken piccata that was to die for, as I watched through the huge windows when a huge, bellowing, blowing, lashing rain storm swept across the tarmac.  I also watched videos on big screens showing scenes of Italy -- and it was such fun to say, "I've been there -- and there! -- and there!"

I had lunch one day with my brother Paul -- the only one still alive (my brothers were all 12+ years older than me).  He seemed his frisky old self, now a year after his beloved wife of many years died.  Ramona, we still miss you.

Then, in July, I went to Buffalo for 2 weeks, staying, as always, with my best friend in the world.  We had such fun!  She has the best little veggie garden on her upper front porch, and we ate a few things from it while I was there.

This is actually a shot from last year, so I got her pretty flower boxes (that we planted together), but not the veggie garden, in the corner where I'm standing to take this shot.  This year the porch was even more beautiful than last.

We spend weekdays at the campground, lazing along and barbecuing, going to the beach late in the afternoon and catching up on our reading (I read the first 2 Steig Larssen books, and two books about compulsive eating, which gave me much food for thought).

Oops, ignore that man -- it's Cheryl's partner and my good friend, Tom!  But you can see the camping trailer where we stay and the pretty, shaded lot where it's parked.  And this is what we saw every night we were there:

Oh, I'm not even sure this is a good example of the best of them!  But the campsite is literally steps from the lake (maybe 100 yards?), and after dinner it was delightful to walk down together and feast our eyes on the beauty of it.

On weekends, when the campground filled with noisy campers and many noisy motorized vehicles of various sorts (golf carts, ATVs, go-karts, motorcycles, and the beach with ski-dos and motorboats), we came back into town (about a 45-minute drive) and did city things, such as the stunningly beautiful Buffalo Garden Walk, movies, and parties with the girls.

Okay, this is a shot of Cheryl and her pretty table -- but quite frankly, when I was with the girls, I was having so much fun that I forgot to take the "girlfriend pictures" of all of us together that I love so much!

I drove home a happy woman.  We ate healthy, wonderful, fresh food, grilled meats, and drank lots of water (along with other libations!).  I maintained my weight -- even lost a couple more pounds.  My soul was filled with good friends and happy times.  I went to church at two cool churches, and got to talk to two cool priests that were new since I lived there.  Ah, it was the vacation that I needed last year and didn't get, because I was too busy in California and too sick in Buffalo.

Yes, I've had bothersome allergies on and off all summer.  But I learned to manage them!  Triumph!  Claritin-D is the antihistamine that works for me with minimal side effects (I believe different ones work best for different people), and also Nasonex nasal spray.  I've had to keep my house closed up and the cooling system fan running all the time, which is a great disappointment for me, as I love nothing better than open windows and fresh air blowing through, when it's cool enough.  But this is how I managed to keep things well under control, so I did not have a recurrence of the bronchitis that laid me so low for two months last summer.

So now I feel rested and energetic again.  This is a testimony for at least one good, refreshing vacation each year, and preferably two.  I've continued to lose a bit of weight, though the heat in Tennessee has resulted in me being less active during August, and now even into September.  My yoga studio closed, so I haven't done yoga regularly, either.  So the weight loss has slowed, and I'm struggling again.

My friend Susan (who's also our parish secretary) gave me a great 18-speed bike she wasn't using, and I've ridden it a few times.  Funny, though -- when I was in my 20s I did not own a car, and my only transportation was a bicycle.  I rode it everywhere, at first with my daughter in a little seat on the back, and then later, she followed me on her own little bike.  My 10-speed bicycle truly was almost like an extension of my own body.  It's not like that now in my late 50s, I can tell you!  It was a great surprise that riding uphill (on this very hilly Plateau) was difficult, even in the lowest gear!  What has happened, except for 3 decades and 80 pounds?  Huh?

But I am energized and excited about the season to come at church.  We're doing 4 sessions on Sunday morning about Christian healing, and it's a lively group of 6 of us.  The Bible study on Wednesday is finishing up our very long study of Exodus, and that's exciting, too.  This is the first time we've attempted a formal study of the "biblical theology" of a book of the bible (though I tend to think that's what we actually do each time we meet), and it's exciting to see people finding the theological themes or loci in the book, and learning more about God, more about humankind, more about judgment, compassion, and grace, as we review what we've discussed.  We'll soon wrap this up and our next study will be the Gospel of Luke.  I've started reading "The Wisdom Jesus" by Cynthia Bourgeault, and think maybe I'll have a book discussion on that for our next Sunday series.  Can you tell I'm well rested and ready to roll?

Just the last bit of wonderful news from my autumn is that my friend Sandi got a new Kindle for her anniversary, and she has given me her old one, already loaded with maybe 100 books, mostly detective novels!  What fun I'm having with it!  What a generous heart, for her to give me such a wonderful gift.  So I'm reading Steig Larssen's third ("The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest" -- I was waiting for it to come out in paperback), and next is the Sue Grafton "U" book.  Yay!  Lots of fiction to supplement the nonfiction that I'm also enjoying.

Now the colors are changing in my yard, and I'm about to uproot my dear veggie garden and reduce it in size by about half.  I'll keep the rhubarb, grapes, and herbs, and try to coax the asparagus to life again next spring.  But it's being reduced from a large, rectangular plot, to a smaller triangle.  The dear parishioner who built my gate is going to help me move my fence, and I've got to get out there and weed and remove the raised beds, so the job can be simply done.

I'm sure all of you are stopping to enjoy the fall.  Take time just to be in a few delicious moments -- as many as possible.  You'll never live these particular days again!

Hello, I'm Back -- Again! Lent, Easter, & Related Topics

Well, I'm posting again at the request of my friend Sharon -- who is keeping me from running off the rails, blogwise.  I don't have photos to share -- at least when I post photos, I feel as though I'm giving you something besides my own narcissistic ramblings.  But oh, well, today that's what you get.

What was I thinking I might say about a stressful Lent?  Lots of obligations, I think, a book study group that went very well, but on about the 4th reading, I wasn't really happy with the book (Richard Foster's "A Celebration of Discipline").  There were a number of surgeries and hospitalizations that merited visits in addition to the normal Lenten stuff.  Planning for everything:  flowers, candles, Holy Week services -- I love all those things, and have people who assist, but it's really still a massive effort on the part of this small, sleepy retirement parish, and some of my usual "assistant planners" also have their own life stressors, primarily personal illness and ailing spouses or family members.

But finally, we got to Holy Week.  Oh, my.  At 3 am on Palm Sunday I got a call from the hospital: a parishioner had died and his widow was asking for me.  I had been up late the night before, finishing my Palm Sunday sermon and just messing around -- I found I stayed up late lots of nights during Lent, because the busy schedule left me little time for reflection and relaxation, and I tended to grab that time late at night.  In any event, I found myself at the hospital before 3:30, holding the widow as she wept, praying prayers for the dead and anointing my parishioner/friend who died so suddenly.  The time around death and funerals is a very holy time for me, and while I was exhausted, I knew that I was fulfilling my highest calling when I was with the widow at the hospital that night.  Home for another 2 hours' sleep, and then up and off to church for a service we only do once a year (those invariably make me a little nervous, I want to get them just right), and instead of being able to process outside with our palms this year, it was raining, and so we started in the parish hall and simply proceeded down the hallway to the church proper (which we Episcopalians call the nave).

Palm Sunday is the first day of Holy Week, and Holy Week is the busiest (and often most stressful) in a priest's life.  We had services on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday (2 services), Saturday (2 services, with the unexpected funeral scheduled for that day), and then on to Easter Sunday.  Counting Palm Sunday, I had 5 sermons to write and preach in that time.  I also had another parishioner who had surgery the week before in a town 1/2 hour away, and I needed and wanted to visit her.  And at the office, there were all the preparations -- service leaflets, church arrangements (again, I certainly didn't do it all, but I had to supervise and coordinate it all), two receptions (after the funeral, and after the Great Vigil of Easter, on Saturday night) to make sure all was well.

Through this all, the owls (to which I referred you in the last post) kept me sane.  Molly has been such a good mom, and McGee has been such a good provider for the family (owls mate for life, or nearly so, you know).  The chicks (we got 4 out of 6 eggs -- the 1st and last didn't hatch) are growing like weeds, and may begin flying lessons soon.  Literally millions of people have visited their site, including numerous classes of elementary and middle school kids.  I wonder how many zoologists this experience could spawn.  Yes, I've been a little obsessed, a little enamored by them.  But they really are one aspect of the Easter story -- life blooms and grows and continues, generation after generation.

But I'm telling you:  this was probably the most profound and meaningful Holy Week I've almost ever had -- certainly one of the top 2 that I've had in the 7 Easters I've been here at this church.  Palm Sunday was a blur (on maybe 4 hours' sleep), but the Holy Week services were incredibly moving.  Our bible study is focusing on the book of Exodus, and the parallels for me on promise and deliverance, slavery and freedom, and God's hand reaching down into the course of human affairs, really, really moved me profoundly this year.  If you haven't read Julian of Norwich's "Revelations of Divine Love," or "Showings," you really should.  She had mystical visions of the crucifixion that are initially somewhat disturbing, but which ultimately make her well-known phrase, "All will be well, and all will be well, and all manner of thing shall be well," something we all need to hear.

I took Monday and Tuesday off -- it was all so intense that my neurological circuits were fried.  Then Wednesday we had a healing service that was like no other.  This small Wednesday service is one of the high points of my week (along with the bible study that follows it).  I love anointing people for healing, laying on my hands and praying especially for them and those whose concerns are on their hearts.  I don't know what happens, exactly, but it is profound, and was more profound than usual this week.  I had my newly widowed lady (who has NEVER attended this service) and another couple who had never attended, the wife of whom had surgery for cancer today.  Oh, my, such raw pain and need for healing, and everyone there (all the "old regulars") felt it, too.  It was a really, really holy time.

I think I'll talk about me -- my own feelings about my winter weight gain, what I'm doing about that, etc. another time.  I still feel as though I'm standing barefoot on holy ground when I write about Holy Week.  The last 3 days, especially (Thursday, Friday, and Saturday), and then Easter Sunday, were so transcendent for me, so redolent of life and death, of slavery and freedom, of promise and fulfillment.  All the rest, including this beautiful spring on the Plateau and my languishing veggie garden, will have to wait until at least tomorrow.  Maybe I can even get some pictures to break up this "wall of words" for you!

Please, those of you who care about the Christian yearly cycle -- remember that we do celebrate FIFTY days of Easter!  It's as important as the twelve days of Christmas!  Keep celebrating!  How can you NOT when spring is here??

First Snow

Fall has been and is still beautiful around here.  This is the best place for seasons that I've ever lived.  Each one is of roughly equal length, and none so severe as to impose serious hardship.  The length allows us to truly savor each one fully, and anticipate the coming of the next.  The colors are just about at full height right now; last week I had occasion to drive down off the mountain to Knoxville twice, and the brilliance of the leaves took my breath away.  There's simply no more beautiful place to live.

Now the bad news.  I have photos -- any number of photos.  I have a couple of autumn shots, and several of our first snow two nights ago.  But for some reason, Typepad is refusing to upload my photos tonight.  I've noticed that since their "new improved" format, my photos take a long time -- but tonight I gave two different ones over a half-hour, and they still didn't upload.  Maybe tomorrow.  Or something.  Or maybe I'll have to try another server.  I've certainly seen good results on the free blog servers.  I pay good money to get frustrated.  Sigh.

Anyway -- there are other things to say.  I've been thinking about lots and lots of things, and life has been good here in my little corner of Tennessee.  We've had a couple of nights of hard freeze, but temperatures are moderating, so I may still get some glorious time in the garden, preparing it for winter.  I've got volunteer lettuce coming up!  I've covered it with a row cover, so we'll see if it survived.  You know how I love gardening: it truly grounds me, both literally and metaphorically.  I think it's good to counter time spent in the lofty, heavenly reaches, with a bit of time shoveling manure onto vegetable beds.  It's the nature of us humans to reach toward heaven, but to also need to ground ourselves to our mother earth.

I had a root canal today, and feel pretty good (Tylenol is my friend).  It wasn't really painful, thank God.  I had one years ago that was excruciating -- but not today.  I'll tell you, though, it's not comforting to hear one's dentist say, "Uh-oh.  I don't like the look of that."  There I was, helpless, with my mouth gaping open, full of sharp tools.  When I told her that, though, she said that a worse thing to hear the dentist say is, "Oops."  I had to agree.  Now there's just the matter of paying her for the work, and the crown I'll receive next month.  Isn't it funny that they call that appointment "the delivery?"  I told them it sounds like childbirth, but they said it was a little like that, only they "don't go there" to that other end of the body, where childbirth happens.

I had an argument (yep, a real argument) with a parishioner a couple of weeks ago, and this person told me, "You just don't listen to us!"  Well, as someone who was a professional listener for 18 years, you can imagine that I was quite taken aback!  Then I realized that we English speakers tend to use "listen to" in a couple of different ways.  One is a simple attending to, receiving, and acknowledging information.  That's how I listen.  But there's another way we use it:  "listen to" can mean to obey.  Remember how we sometimes say to our kids, "Listen to me!"  We mean, "Do what I say!"  "You should have listened to me!" means "You should have done what I advised you to."  And in that sense, no, I often do not "listen" to my parishioners.  When I make a change in the way we do things at church, it is usually a well-thought out one, with due consideration given to pros, cons, and dissenting opinions.  Sometimes I act anyway, despite dissenting opinions.  This was one of those times -- but at least I understand the accusation a little better now.  No, I'm not the obedient "little woman" or "hired hand" that some may have imagined I would be.

I've been feeling a kind of restlessness.  Time is flying by.  As I said, two nights ago we had our first snow, and most of us missed it, because it fell overnight, as we slept.  Sometimes I feel as though I'm sleeping my way through the "first snows" of life a lot of the time.  On Monday a parishioner described the passing of time as though driving down the road with the telephone poles seeming to whizz past the windows -- that's how the days and weeks and months, and yes, even the years are whizzing by me -- sometimes I can almost hear them blowing past my ears like a strong wind.  It is three years now since I was in Italy; it's six years since I came here.  Just about this time of year I interviewed for this position, and it was the first week in November when they called me to be their Rector, and the second week in December when I finally arrived here, lock, stock, and barrel.  Where has the time gone?  My life keeps slipping away, and there is so much I want to do.  There are books to write, and countries to see -- whole chunks of the world that I haven't yet experienced.  There are all those black madonnas in Europe that I still haven't seen.  Yes, I've been to Costa Rica and the Caribbean since I was in Italy -- but I haven't been back to Europe, and I'm desperate to go.  And I just keep getting older.

Maybe this is how it feels sometimes as another year draws to a close.  Maybe this is how it feels to be getting older.  Maybe the time is coming for me to put on my traveling shoes once again.  Who knows?

But it amazes me that life can be so rich, and at the same time feel so elusive, so slippery.

I finished Joyce Rockwell Hudson's "Natural Spirituality: Recovering the Wisdom Tradition in Christianity."  I highly recommend it for those who want to pursue a Christian spirituality that allows for the teachings of Carl Jung, for listening to dreams (an old and esteemed biblical tradition), and for listening to the wisdom of the Holy Spirit that we sometimes carry within us.  It's a refreshing and stimulating breath of fresh air when you life in the land of fundamentalism.  Keep in mind that I only live 50 miles or so from Dayton, Tennessee, home of the Scopes Trial, and where opposition to the theory of evolution is alive and well in the churches.

I'm having a suit made -- knit gaucho pants and a jacket.  I know gauchos went out of style a couple of years ago, but I've got one pair that I wear to death because they're adaptable, flattering to my less-than-perfect body, and so very easy to wear.  I want them in every color, so I can wake up in the morning and dress like a guy -- gauchos, a top, a jacket, and look presentable to go wherever I need to.  If this suit (in a dark blue, not quite navy) is a success, I may have others made in different colors.  I used to sew -- I think I'd try it myself, but knit fabric is crucial, and I never learned to sew with knits -- it's a real art.

I've been developing another idea for a book.  This is the third idea that seems really, truly viable.  Now if I could just finish one of them.

These are some of the many things that seem to keep me away from this blog -- these things and also the frustration of not being able to post pictures.  Yep, I just tried again.  No go.  Typepad, please get it together, OK?

The Life of the Mind

Tomorrow I am taking a single vacation day from work.  Combined with my two regular days off (which I take whenever possible), I have 3 days off -- a nice chunk of time to be away from church work.  No, it's not as good as a week with my family, or two weeks in Buffalo or Italy (let's see, all other things being equal, how could I choose between Buffalo and Italy?).  But it's time away.  I have planned my time in the past, when I've scheduled time off.  But this time I played.  I scheduled the whole three days.  I designed a retreat.  I have allowed for art, reading, writing, nature, and lots of fun time, too.  I printed myself an elegant program of offerings.  After I playfully designed it for myself, I thought that it might be something others would enjoy.  Of course, if I really had the space for others here in my home, (well, I do have 3 guest beds, but work space is at a minimum, unless I use the church hall, too), I might build in more options and flexibility.  But this is how I will spend my next 3 days:

Download a_life_of_the_mind_retreat.doc

It is a MS Word document.  I can't seem to import multiple pages directly.  I hope you'll take a look at it.  For me, it's perfect.  Some comments:  I've begun eating oatmeal daily for breakfast, and find it delicious (with the fruit added) and filling.  I prefer the steel-cut oats to rolled oats, but am using up a very old box of rolled oats before I resume the delicious steel-cut ones.  Making oatmeal with milk (even lowfat) ratheer than water certainly kicks it up a notch, as Emeril would say.  Certainly for more than one person, I'd have to incorporate more breakfast options, though it would never be a buffet!  Of course I incorporated my current art and reading projects.  And I love to watch TV (Friday night is a very good TV night).  We have the luxury in this town of a yoga studio and teacher that people come to from miles around.  She spent years studying and India and teaching in New York City before she relocated here to be near her parents, who retired here.  What a gift my teacher (dare I call her a guru?  Maybe not!) is!

Even though I have no immediate plans to offer this private and personal retreat to others, I'd love your feedback.  Is this something you'd attend?  How would you change it, if you could?  What parts particularly engage you?  I only ask because I began by designing something that would appeal to only me (since I'm the only one on this retreat).  But I know I love providing quiet days for my parish, even to the small number who attend.  It occurred to me that this is something I'd travel and probably pay big bucks to attend, especially if I got my exquisite massage therapist to come in and offer massage to participants who chose to purchase it.

At any rate, it was great fun.  I intend to put my schedule into a folder and luxuriate in it.  I will not think of work one time.  I will emerge feeling as though I'd had a vacation at the shore.  And I welcome your constructive feedback!

This & That

It has been a busy week; a beloved parishioner died, and planning a funeral, combined with my own emotional reaction, makes it all seem busier than it actually has been.  So I haven't had much time to think profound thoughts or get out in the garden (also above 80 every day, including humidity percentage).

When I looked over my film list, I caught 3 movies that I saw and did not highlight:  Cabaret, Rear Window, and Dr. Strangelove.  I caught others that I'm pretty sure I saw part of, but either fell asleep or was too high to remember the plots or endings (high? me?  It was a long, long time ago).  I think I've fallen asleep at least twice during Citizen Kane -- does that count as one complete viewing?

I'm looking forward to Top Chef on Bravo tonight.  I just watched a couple of reruns of Project Runway, and Next to Queer Eye, that's got to be my favorite Bravo reality TV show.  But Top Chef is fascinating because they know so much about food (I had to Google geoduck -- not poultry at all!), and they combine things in such bizarre ways -- sometimes making me think, "Hmmmm!" but other times the food seems just plain bizarre.

I'm getting more and more excited about my vacation.  All arrangements are in place, and I'm trying to decide what clothes to take, etc.  I might even bring a BIG suitcase, even for 2 weeks.  I can't wait to spend 2 weeks with my best friend on the shores of Lake Erie.  Maybe we'll even set up a card table in the water and play cards there, as we saw some folks do more than once!

But finally, my most important discovery:  Last night I saw Paul McCartney on Larry King.  He's 65 now, and  doesn't exactly look like ten miles of bad road, but maybe five.  But hey -- the last few years haven't been easy on him.  I still wonder when he's going to figure out that his destiny is to grow old with me?  I mean it.  I need to meet this man, but since he's not religious, I don't figure I have any trick cards to play.  If he was a religious guy, I could play the priest card.  Oh, well.  If you get any big ideas, be sure to let me know.  I guess I stand a better chance with some of the Nashville cuties, since I'm within 2 hours of there.

No pictures this time, though the lamb chop I had for dinner tonight was a sight for sore eyes.

AFI's top 100

Okay.  It has been suggested in more than one place that we copy this list of the top 100 films from the American Film Institute's top 100, and highlight the ones we've seen.  So, being a movie lover, here are mine.

AFI's 100 Years...100 Movies -- 10th Anniversary Edition:
1    Citizen Kane (1941)
2    The Godfather (1972)
3    Casablanca (1942)
4    Raging Bull (1980)
5    Singin' in the Rain (1952)
6    Gone With the Wind (1939)
7    Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
8    Schindler's List (1993) 
9    Vertigo (1958)
10   The Wizard of Oz (1939)
11   City Lights (1931)
12   The Searchers (1956)
13   Star Wars (1977)
14   Psycho (1960)
15   2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
16   Sunset Blvd. (1950)
17   The Graduate (1967)
18   The General (1927)
19   On the Waterfront (1954)
20   It's a Wonderful Life (1946)
21   Chinatown (1974)
22   Some Like It Hot (1959)
23   The Grapes of Wrath (1940)
24   E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982)
25   To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)
26   Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)
27   High Noon (1952)
28   All About Eve (1950)
29   Double Indemnity (1944)
30   Apocalypse Now (1979)
31   The Maltese Falcon (1941)
32   The Godfather Part II (1974)
33   One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975)
34   Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)
35   Annie Hall (1977)
36   The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)
37   The Best Years of Our Lives (1946)
38   The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948)
39   Dr. Strangelove (1964)
40   The Sound of Music (1965)
41   King Kong (1933)
42   Bonnie and Clyde (1967)
43   Midnight Cowboy (1969)
44   The Philadelphia Story (1940)
45   Shane (1953)
46   It Happened One Night (1934)
47   A Streetcar Named Desire (1951)
48   Rear Window (1954)
49   Intolerance (1916)
50   The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)
51   West Side Story (1961)
52   Taxi Driver (1976)
53   The Deer Hunter (1978)
54   M*A*S*H (1970)
55   North by Northwest (1959)
56   Jaws (1975)
57   Rocky (1976)
58   The Gold Rush(1925)
59   Nashville (1975)
60   Duck Soup (1933)
61   Sullivan's Travels (1941)
62   American Graffiti (1973)
63   Cabaret (1972)
64   Network (1976)
65   The African Queen (1951)
66   The Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
67   Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (1966)
68   Unforgiven (1992)
69   Tootsie (1982)

70   A Clockwork Orange (1971)
71   Saving Private Ryan (1998)
72   The Shawshank Redemption (1994)   
73   Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)
74   The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
75   In the Heat of the Night (1967)
76   Forrest Gump (1994)
77   All the President's Men (1976)    
78   Modern Times (1936)
79   The Wild Bunch (1969)
80   The Apartment (1960)
81   Spartacus (1970)    
82   Sunrise (1927)
83   Titanic (1997)
84   Easy Rider (1969)
85   A Night at the Opera (1935)
86   Platoon (1986)
87   12 Angry Men (1957)
88   Bringing Up Baby (1938)
89   The Sixth Sense (1999)
90   Swing Time (1936)
91   Sophie's Choice (1982)
92   Goodfellas (1990)
93   The French Connection (1971)
94   Pulp Fiction (1994)
95   The Last Picture Show (1971)
96   Do the Right Thing (1989)
97   Blade Runner (1982)
98   Yankee Doodle Dandy (1942)
99   Toy Story (1995) 

100 Ben-Hur (1959)          

I count 46.  And I call myself a film lover. <hangs head in shame>  Less than half!  Guess I'd better get busy at Blockbuster.  Now that I've changed my cable subscription to expanded basic and given up all those yummy movie channels, maybe I'll have more time for the classics.  But I can't imagine watching Pulp Fiction under any circumstances.