One Wild and Precious Life

Happy Summer!

Once again, it took a friend to remind me that I haven't been blogging in some time!  I'm sure you all can identify with the way the days just fly by for me, slipping through my fingers.  Every day I think of this blog, and plan to write something; and I try to keep up with reading all of yours, too, but I seem to go from one thing to the next, and one of the "things" I get to isn't getting a blog post done!

As I said, I've been busy.  And it's full summer here on the Plateau, and that means hot and humid!  So I've been doing lots of indoor activities, like shopping and napping.

At the end of last month, I went to a collage workshop that was given by a couple of women who are in my spiritual directors' peer group.  The theme was on the various questions that Jesus asks in the Gospels, and two that caught my ear were, "What do you want me to do for you?" (answer:  take away my fearfulness), and "What are you afraid of?"  The boards we used were the centers cut from mat board -- wonderful material on which to collage.  Rather than naming my fears, I chose to make affirmative statements, because I knew I would want to focus on it.  Here's mine:
Hell's bells, I'm not happy with this picture, but it's the best I could do.  I'm sure it's my editing of it, but I'm not going to mess with it now.  If I did, it would be another month before I got a post done.  Oh, well.  Live and learn.

I wish you could read the words and see the pictures better.  You can see the bright colors, which make me feel positive.  Under the "Freedom" is a beautiful dove.  Above that it says, "Choosing Faith Over Fear," and the little strip below the chalice says, "breakthrough."  The little orange card at the lower right is a quote from Robert Louis Stevenson:  "To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive."  Making this small, simple piece reminded me how important it is for me to do even simple creative projects.  I'm grateful for the reminder.

I've been shopping for my Italy trip.  Got a good leather knapsack, some lightweight tops (to wear with lightweight skirts I already have), some good walking shoes.  I'm busy plotting out my itinerary, and finding more and more black madonna sites that I'd like to visit.  I've got a summer's worth of research to do before I can even decide where I need to stay.  Got a recommendation from a friend to check out Hostelling International, and for 18 bucks (yes, I qualify as a senior) I think I'll join.  Most hostels offer single rooms, and the prices are excellent.  I'll continue to explore monasteries, as well.

You can see that my gardening is happening in fits and starts:

The front porch is still a work in progress.  I've filled three big pots, and still have a window box to do.  Then I have several backyard planters; meanwhile, the plants are languishing, poor things.  I need to set them into a tray of water, at least.  There!  I just took ten minutes to do that -- maybe the poor babies will live to grow another day.

I keep working at things in bits and pieces, but that seems all I'm capable of and have time for right now.  Lots keeps happening on the church front, including lots of folks in the hospital.  I'll get it all done before I go on vacation in late July, though -- I'm sure of that.

The veggie garden is thriving, including the weeds.  I've got all kinds of baby veggies, and with the heat has come the tremendous growth spurt I expected.  Rain has been forecast every day for ages, and some folk on the Plateau are getting it, but it seems to pretty much skip over my little corner of the world.  This morning I got about 8 drops of rain before I walked the dogs, then maybe a 10-minute shower during the 8:00 am church service, and that was it.

This is the fullest view of the veggie garden I could get in a pinch.  In the lower right corner, barely visible, are my grape tomatoes and Italian parsley.  I'm pretty sure it's all weeds on the lower left.  The next bed in has beans and bell peppers -- the beans are really taking off, beginning to blossom.  They look like they'd like something to climb on, even though they're supposed to be bush beans.  Last year they were in the bed at the bottom of this picture, and the deer ate them nearly clear down to the ground.  Not this year!  They don't munch much on tomato plants, so that's what went near the fence.  The patch of dirt at the bottom is Swiss chard that hasn't sprouted yet.  The third bed from the bottom has all tomatoes, except for 2 bell papper plants.  The tomatoes are Romas and Better Boy.  Beyond that are watermelon, and beyond that, my strawberry bed.

You can see that my "Spicy Globe" basil is thriving -- about time to clip some (I have two plants) for my tomatoes.

I'm eating lots of tomatoes these days.  They're available, juicy and ripe, in all the fresh produce stores.  It's a minor competition around these parts, to see who can get their tomatoes in earliest, and get them to the farmer's market, or garden center, or produce store, or farm stand, the soonest.  I've failed miserably at that, getting most of my stuff in after Mother's Day this year -- a really safe, "sissy" date to plant.  The best trick I've heard is to put some fresh cow or horse manure beneath a thin layer of soil in the bottom of your planting hole -- the manure is "hot" enough to warm the roots of your plants and encourage them to grow, even at pretty cold temperatures.  And you've got built-in fertilizer!
Look at the teeny baby cuke!  I've actually got one bigger than that on this plant, but still a few days too small to harvest.  This one will be full-size within a week, probably.  They grow really fast!  And that's a good thing, because I'm learning about using cucumber slices in place of crackers for cheese spreads.  A friend gave me some local chevre with Italian herbs, and yum!  Unfortunately, I'm doing a 2-week, low-carb food plan, and can't have those lovely, buttery and crunchy little crackers.  So cucumber slices are not too bad as a substitute.  I'm also eating quite a bit of salad, and enjoying the cukes and those ripe, juicy tomatoes in salads.  Soon I'll have them from my very own garden!

Here, happily, are some little bitty grape tomatoes.  Yum, yum, they're my favorites!  I am so glad that I went to the garden to take these pictures, because I hadn't seen anything but grapes and the one cuke so far, and I was getting worried (why do I do that?).  Now I'm much reassured that I will have produce this year, probably more than I can eat.  Have I told you here that I freeze my tomatoes by sticking them whole or cut into chunks into quart or gallon size freezer bags?  If you chunk them, unless you freeze them spread out on a cookie sheet first, they're going to stick together -- so I usually put the chunked-up ones in quart bags.  But the whole tomatoes don't stick together, and so I freeze them in the gallon bags, and then just pour out as many as I need for a soup or sauce.  No, I don't blanch or peel them first.  Yes, I have to contend with (or ignore) peels at cooking time.  But the romas can be dropped one-by-one into hot soup, then speared almost immediately with a fork, and the skins slide right off.  I almost always consider the skins as "bonus fiber" and leave them in, unless I'm making something fancy.
I promise, this is the last veggie photo, though I have some other non-veggie photos to share, too.  Aren't my grapes just wonderful?  I can't remember if they're the reds or the whites, but the other vine didn't produce very well.  The only bad part about these lovelies are that they hang on the outside of the fence, and if the birds don't get 'em before I do, I'm afraid that the deer will!  But this is the first year I've had any significant production of grapes at all.  Last year I had one very small bunch, very good, but very small, and that was it.  So this year I'm thrilled.

Now, just a few more pictures.  Do you need another beer, or glass of iced tea, or something?  Now would be the time to get it.  I can't help it -- once I get going, I have a hard time stopping.  Next time I'll try to find something more interesting to natter about.

Now, isn't this bee balm pretty?  Last year a neighbor, a gardening buddy, gave me bee balm and bright pink yarrow, and I put them in this "nursery bed" until I could figure out what I wanted to do with them.  Look how big they've grown!  Somehow I thought they would be knee high, and instead, they are shoulder-high.  I love them.  It has been a great year for flowers on the Plateau, probably owing to a cool spring and lots of sunshine.  I'm also going to post a closeup of the bee balm, because it's so pretty, and so unusual-looking.  No simple daisy-shapes here!

Doesn't it look like some kind of strange, alien thing?  I love it.  Very delicate.

Now I have only one more picture I'm going to share with you.  I took a couple more, but I do want you to see a problem I'm facing in my back yard.  My predecessor here planted some very beautiful, very invasive variegated bamboo.  It's everywhere, and I can't get rid of it.  I have a corner bed that has many interesting things planted in it, bordered by boxwood.  You'll see in the photograph that the bamboo is taking over everything, and you can barely even see the boxwood.  I can cut it down, of course -- did last year, which caused it to grow up even thicker and more beautiful than ever.  I may try to rescue the plants that are struggling to coexist in this bed -- but I'm afraid if I move them, I'll bring along shards of bamboo, too, and it will soon invade elsewhere.  I could spray it with poison, but I hate using poison, and would probably kill everything else growing in this bed (Solomon's seal, hostas, a Japanese painted fern, and a bunch of other stuff that I can't even identify).  I don't want to kill everything, but I'd sure be happy to get rid of some of this bamboo!

Isn't it pretty?  Isn't it lush?  Can you find the boxwood?  Nope.  How about the hostas and other stuff?  Sigh.  I'm about to just give the whole bed over to the stuff, and abandon all hope and all the other lovely things there.  Sob.

So just one more thing.  The low-carb food plan I referred to.  I'm on day 9 of 14.  It's Dr. Phil's Rapid Start Weight Loss Plan.  It's only a jump-start prelude to his much more moderate and wise weight loss plan, which I intend to follow.  Basically the Rapid-Start Plan is carbs (breads and grains) only at breakfast, small portions of everything but veggies, and just a little fat.  In 9 days I've lost 6 pounds -- not too bad, though I'm pretty sure I did as well in my first week of Weight Watchers, way back when.  But the thing is, I finally decided that I should quit waiting for a hero to come along and save me from myself -- I guess I'm going to have to step up and be the hero of my own life (I think Elizabeth Gilbert used that in "Eat, Pray, Love").  Losing weight is difficult, but it's not rocket science: eat less and move more, right?  So I've ramped up my runs to 45 minutes, 5 days a week, and continue to try to get to yoga 2-3 times a week.  I want to do a little weight work at home, too:  building fat-burning muscle, and all that.  I've got to get some weight off so I can dress more comfortably, fly to Italy more comfortably, and walk more comfortably once I get there.  I finally faced up to the numbers and now admit that I have about 85 pounds to lose.  Sigh and sob again.  But the good news is, that I'm doing it.  I always believed that I needed carbs to feel satisfied, and couldn't imagine a meal without a carb.  Of course, my mom was always a meat-and-potatoes kind of cook, meat, starch, and vegetable.  But if I do it right, I can be quite satisfied with minimal carbs.  It really is an addiction of some kind, thinking I need my bread!  So this week I've allowed myself to feel pretty smug.  I've done well, even in the light of temptations like the parish barbecue dinner, complete with potato salad and cake for dessert.  Skipped 'em both.  If I do it right, I don't even get cravings, though I've had them from time to time this week.  Five more days and I can have a glass of wine and a cracker with my cheese.

It's 49 years since my father died.  I miss him this Father's Day.

Now it's off to bed with my journal and my mug of ice water.  It has been a good day.  Happy solstice!  Happy summer!

The Mystified Gardener: Spring Fever

How can it be that I missed the first day of spring?  I'll tell you how -- I was outside, working hard, and didn't give the day a thought!  I love spring, love, love, LOVE.  Spring and fall are my two favorite seasons, and probably spring the most, though in this State (Tennessee) of hot, humid summers, seeing summer finally break is also a treat.  I've done my first gardening, and am seeing the results.  Look:

It's two of my first three rows of spinach, sprouting!  I've never had spinach sprout!  I think I always planted it too late -- it's definitely a cool-weather crop, and needs to be sown here very early.  I know, you can see that the soil is dry.  I thought I might hold out for rain, but I promise that tomorrow I will water it by hand, with tender loving care, even though it's supposed to rain on Wednesday.  I'm not going to risk it.  I should have done it sooner, even.  But I'm so thrilled to see it coming up!  While I'm out there, I'm going to till soil and plant 3 more short rows, as well as some lettuce and peas.  I'm planting things that don't grow high in the bed near the fence, because last year my green beans were decimated by deer!  I don't think they can reach in far enough to get to spinach and lettuce in this bed.  I'm also going to hang shiny CDs to startle them away.  People advocate smelly and even toxic repellants, but I just can't.  I'll try the old-fashioned stuff first.  I asked for those disposable aluminum pie tins on Freecycle, but nobody responded.  So I think shiny CDs (I have tons from AOL, otherwise known as AO-Hell) hung at frequent intervals might provide a deterrant.  We'll see.

Here's one more veggie garden shot: 

The rhubarb is up -- all 3 crowns of it!  I see some little pest has been at it already on one leaf -- but we don't eat the leaves anyway!  Now I've just got to get some compost and manure on it, as well as seeing to the grapevines, raspberries, strawberries, perennial herbs (rosemary and thyme, and sage in the front perennial bed), and especially the asparagus crowns.  The garden is way full of suspicious and menacing little holes in those beds -- maybe my fence didn't sink deep enough?  Hmmm.  Lots of work to be done there.

But this spring, I have a new love.  Yes, I've spent some time cutting brush and also thorny locust sprouts from the fencerow and the only growth that separates me from a fairly major highway.  And I've enjoyed that.  Some regular attention to these spaces could enhance my quality of life, seriously.  I'm very close to US (not Interstate) 70, which runs from who knows where to Nashville, and beyond.  Lots of traffic, except for the very wee hours of the morning (let's say from 2 till 5 am).  What I really would like is some kind of tall, soundproof barrier, like they use on the Interstates.  That's not going to happen.  So instead of the wild assortment of wild rose, locust suckers, hickory and oak starters from nuts the squirrels have buried, and those low plants with pointy leaves whose name currently escapes me (not agave -- what?), and poison ivy -- I'd like to cultivate a tall privet hedge from the privet that grows wild and invasively here.  The oak and hickory trees are fine, but I don't like the other stuff.  Some privet is coming up already, and all I need to do is let it grow.  Eventually someone could cut it down every 5 years or so, and it would grow tall and thick and give me privacy, at least, if not a bit of a sound barrier.  Also, out there in front, something is killing my hemlocks.  Since I refuse to use any kind of poison, my guess is that it's some pest, and they will all die eventually.  I'd love it if this strong and essentially evergreen privet would grow thick instead.

But I haven't told you about my new love yet.  It's a labyrinth.  For years, I've dreamed that this parish might fund and create a labyrinth on its grounds.  We have 18.8 acres, and about an acre of cleared space behind the church (partly for parking, partly just a clearing, but all underlaid with gravel, so not "getting stuck in mud" territory).  I dreamed of a labyrinth that might attract anyone on a spiritual journey in all of Cumberland County.  Well, no-go.  Before this year, people didn't have the knowledge, energy, or interest.  This year, nobody has the funds, either.  Within the last few months, I've walked a couple of simple, non-fussy labyrinths, one in the backyard of a colleague.  I've decided that I can do this.  I've researched patterns on-line.  I got an easy-to-construct, 7-circuit classical labyrinth.  Then, as I ran with my dogs one day, I found a nearly endless source of stone.  I have a clearing in my own backyard, in the wooded area behind the lawn, where I could construct this thing.  I decided to build myself a personal labyrinth, that I will happily share with all parishioners.  It's in my back yard -- well, in the woods right behind my back yard.  Here it is:

So far, so good.  It has really been fun.  I found the pattern from the internet, and I found a really good source of stone (a subdivision under development -- every time  you move earth on a mountaintop, you get lots of stone!).  You can see that I'm already running into "tree issues."  I'll eventually mulch the path with a variety of things -- wood chips, pine needles, whatever comes along.  But I've only laid out maybe half of it, maybe not even that, since the circuits get bigger each time around.  That's still lots of stone to gather and lay!  The paths are two feet wide, and I started out with an 8-foot diameter "seed pattern."  I'm loving it.

Other good spring news is that lots of things are in bloom around here.  Daffodils and hyancinths are in full bloom, and the earliest ones are fading already.  The cherry tree and quince are starting.  The viburnum by the front door is fading fast, as are the witch hazels and (plentiful) Lenten roses.  I have a pretty little star magnolia that got terribly damaged in our April freeze two years ago.  We had to cut back dead wood severely, but it did survive:
 
It's a little lopsided and considerably smaller than it was 2 years ago, but it has survived!  I like survivors (like me).  Behind it you can see the veggie garden, and behind that the woodsy-brushy screen that conceals the labyrinth.

I love having this much space.  I love it that the magnolia is in bloom.  Within a week or so the pink one behind the potting shed will bloom.  A few weeks later, I'll get something from the dark one (almost maroon) outside my back door.  I've been watching the courtship at my bird feeder  outside the dining room window.  It's all such a pleasure.  It's nearly time to fill the hummingbird feeders.

There's more gardening work than I can ever do by myself -- ever, ever, ever.  But I've decided once again to enjoy myself.  As long as it's fun and soul-satisfying, I'll do it.  I'll take little stabs at it here and there, time after time.  Nothing will ever be perfect, but in the gentle course of time, everything will be better than it is now.  Having my hands in the dirt is something I expect I'll need for as long as I live -- at least a bit.  Maybe eventually a raised bed or window box will be enough, but the dirt literally "grounds" me.  Gotta do it.

I hope you all know the satisfaction of tending living things.  I hope you can have the experience of feeding people with what you've grown with your own hands.  God does love a garden.

Lent

I love Lent.  It's the Church's time of "New Year's Resolutions," a time to examine oneself, and make a plan to address a shortcoming or two.  Shortcomings are those things that stand in the way of our fullest possible relationship with God, of course.  God absolutely longs to be in relationship with all of creation.  We humans erect barrier after barrier to that intimacy that is our true home.  Lent is a chance to live more fully into that relationship between creature and Creator.  It's less about sackcloth and ashes than it is about the mutual longing between Lover and beloved.

We had our usual Shrove Tuesday pancake dinner at church, and it was lovely -- 40 or so people gathered together to eat pancakes, celebrate Mardi Gras in our dignified, Episcopalian way (still with much laughter and fellowship), and just be "family" with this group of people who have chosen to worship and celebrate together on this mountain.  The men's group cooked; the women's group served.  I blessed the food, ate heartily, wandered around socializing (not the easiest thing for someone who's a classic introvert), and went home, satisfied in body and soul.

On Ash Wednesday we had two services, 10 am and 6 pm.  We had 45 people between the 2 services, which is extremely good for a weekday service, even a fairly momentous one, liturgically and ecclesiastically.  It's a big day in the Church, kind of like Good Friday in significance -- but for most of the world, it's really "just another day."  In between our services, I visited two parishioners who were hospitalized with heart problems -- I call these folks, with some humor, but certainly not to trivialize -- "broken hearts."  I've had a fair number of parishioners with broken hearts in the last few months, and it breaks my heart, as well.  Some weather their problems relatively easily, be they bypasses, stents, heart catheterizations, pacemaker implants, defibrillator implants, or whatever.  I see others grow more and more frail, recovering less and less quickly.  My parish is predominantly a retirement parish -- they don't get any younger.  People who were vital and active when I came here six years ago are, in some cases, quite frail, and several have died.  My people face the possibility of death on a regular basis.

But both of these Ash Wednesday hospital visits, one in town and the other in Cookeville (off the Plateau and 30 miles west of here) were delightful and precious, true gifts.  I can't tell details, of course, because of confidentiality -- but I will say that anointing people with oil and laying my hands on their heads for a prayer of healing is one of the greatest privileges I have as a priest.  And as my heart has broken right open in these last few weeks, I'm also privileged to be with people in a way that is holier than I ever could have asked or imagined.

As for me, I considered my own Lenten practice with due sobriety and reverence.  What I realized was that, rather than the typical season of quiet self-reflection, what I needed to do to honor God best, was to make this season a season of action, rather than inaction.  You can't imagine the amount of time I spend in relative inactivity:  sitting at my desk, meeting with people, reading, studying for church related things, or parked in front of the computer (like now!), the television, the Spider Solitaire game, or other mindless diversions.  I have discerned several very special calls from God (in my own view, at least), and also particular practices that make me the best person and priest that I can be.  I have tons of creative ideas that hardly ever come to fruition.  So I examined (there's the self-examination!) exactly which of all these things and ideas that I felt most passionate about, which things I felt most strongly called to do, which things would restore holy balance to my life.  I came up with six projects that I've dreamed of, written of, spoken of, and neglected to act upon.  Perhaps I'll tell you exactly what those six items are at another time -- just now they seem a little embarrassing in their simplicity.  I made a silly little chart, like we make for our children so they will do their chores.  I painted it Lenten purple and bought silly and pretty litle stickers.  I want to work on each of my six projects for at least 1/2 hour, at least 3 times a week.  That means 18 stickers a week for each of the weeks of Lent.  What fun!  I bought glittery shamrocks and chickies and bunnies and flowers.  I'm actually excited, in a silly sort of way.  I don't want to completely trivialize this -- project boards and progress stickers really seem to work for me.  They helped me do all the tasks I had to do for my spiritual direction program.  Today I did 2 things, and so I  now have 2 stickers on my chart (which is on a piece of poster board, 22x28 inches).  Who knows?  There might even be another sticker before I go to bed!

Today I also met with my spiritual director.  I drive an hour each way to see her -- it's a good thing that  I like to drive!  These monthly meetings are a chance to itemize all the times during the  month that I feel God has touched my life.  By the end of our meeting today, we were laughing, because I found myself saying, "Oh, and just one more thing -- just this one more thing, I promise....!"  There is great abundance in my life right now.  God is touching me often.  Sometimes it's the gift I receive from someone else.  Sometimes it's a creative idea (or two, or two dozen).  Sometimes it's a confluence of things that seem to all come at once, falling together, opening doors, making one or another path seem like it must be the true path for me.  Like another trip to Italy this year.  I haven't yet purchased my ticket, but I think it will happen.  O Happy Day.  O Happy Lent.  I'm so grateful.

The Mystified Gardener

I'm starting a new section or feature of this blog.  I'm thinking of asking the local, small-town newspaper if they'd be interested in a weekly article from me.  I don't want to start a separate blog for it, because I'd never keep up two -- it's all I can do to update one!  But I do have a title for this section -- "The Mystified Gardener."

Now, I always think of myself as rather a "mystical gardener."  Working the soil, growing food, eating what I grow and feeding others from my garden are all experiences that make me feel closer to God.  I have profound thoughts about sin, evil, and of course resurrection, when I'm tending my plants.  But it occurred to me that I am also frequently "mystified" by the challenges that my yard and gardens present.  There is so much to do, and so much that I don't know, that I'm often immobilized by it all.  I have so many questions, and so little knowledge.  Now I'm a fair gardener.  I've got a pretty good intuitive or "mystical" sense for plants and what they need; in other words, I've got a bit of a green thumb.  But that's often not enough to make things thrive.  And rather than carefully research and address problems that I encounter, I tend to just shuffle them to the back of my "problem pile" or "question deck," and nothing gets done.

So I'm going to begin to address this long list of questions and challenges, one project a week (roughly speaking), until I work my way through them all.  I've taken pictures of various "problem spots" in my yard.  What I hope for, is that any of you with ideas and/or gardening experience, will chime in and offer comments.  I also intend to research each problem, both on the web, by visiting gardening shops or the extension agent, when appropriate, and in my own substantial library of gardening books.  Then I intend to post a "before" photo (that will be at the beginning of the week), and progress reports periodically about how I'm doing.

Here's the first one -- it's a "two photo" question that mystifies me:

This is the western-most end of my garden, which measures approximately 20' x 35'.  That's twenty feet (no, not metrical) by thirty-five feet.  You see my cunning little gate with the "A" in the middle, built for me by a parishioner and stained by moi.  You see the fenceposts, even though you can't see the fencing itself.  I have sunk that fence about 6 inches into the ground, and lined the bottom of the material with chicken wire, to keep out marauding bunnies.  I worked hard on this garden.  You also see the raised beds, which I worked so hard two years ago to put in with boards given to me by friends who dismantled a house, board-by-board, and saved the salvaged wood.  I measured, I staked, I placed all the wood, filling the beds with dirt from the paths and manure that I hauled myself from a local stockyard.  The vertical structure in the second bed from the left (can you see the green fenceposts, with white on top of them?) is a structure on which my peas climb each year.  I grow sweet sugar snap peas, yum.  There are no perennials in the beds you see, they are each planted anew in the spring.

In this second picture you can see where we are now by the placement of the gate.  This is the east end of my veggie/herb garden.  The concentrated bit of green  at the far right is my rosemary bush (I'll get to it in a later post).  I'm thrilled that it survives the winters.  My asparagus is also in this bed.  The raised bed next to that is filled with strawberries.  In the heaviest part of the season (it's "Ozark Beauty" and I get a pretty long season, though not completely throughout the summer) I get about a quart a day from the "white part," which is the oldest stand, mulched with yellow straw.  In this part of the world (I don't know about other places) there's "yellow straw," which I imagine is wheat, and "pine straw," which is raked-up pine needles.  After a windy winter, I'll be raking up the fallen pine needles from our small stand of pines, and using it as mulch this summer.  In the first photo, at the very end of the left-most bed, you see a brown spot -- that's a pile of shredded leaves that I will also use as mulch.  Anyway, here's my first "mystified gardener" question:  What can I do to make this garden charming and beautiful?

Of course it's prettier in the summer, when everything is growing, blooming, producing.  But you can see it's a very utilitarian garden, appearing neater and better-kept than it actually is during growing season.  The restrictions on this question are that I really can't afford to invest more than minimally.  The fence works well (wish it were a little higher, to discourage deer, but I have other ideas for this year), and I don't have time, money, or energy to change it.  The gate is obviously beloved, and I'll stain the posts this year, as I did the gate itself.  I have LOTS of questions about this little garden alone, but the first one is, what can I do to jazz it up a little, to beautify it?

The first answer is obvious.  Close up, it needs work.  The raspberries need cutting completely back.  The laboriously and carefully placed wooden borders for the raised beds need reinforcement in some places -- they lean into the bed, or outward into the path, and need more staking in place.  I need to complete the mulching of the paths.  You can see how much better the mulched sections look:

The mulch, of course, is in the foreground.  So today I began to address that project further -- I mulched perhaps 8 feet of path, down to that corner and around to probably where the photo itself ends.  It took me nearly an hour, and maybe 4 wheelbarrows full of mulch.  It doesn't seem like much (though it looks like quite a lot in this photo, because of angle and perspective), but I did remind myself that on 3-foot paths, 8 feet is 24 square feet.  It sounds like a lot that way.  But of course there are enormous numbers of feet (and most especially square feet)  remaining.  When I see growing weeds, I pull them, even root them up with a hand cultivator if I can.  But of course in late winter, there are no visible weeds.  So I lay a thick layer of newspaper (at least 6 sheets, often more -- you see it at the edge of the fresh mulch), and top that with 3-4 inches of the wood chips that are from the maple tree downed nearly 2 years ago.  There's still quite a mulch pile, though considerably reduced by my mulching efforts and natural settling through the seasons.  Newspaper and wood chips won't last forever, but it's really effective, and completely organic.  Use only the black-and-white sections of the paper (I know, there's still a LITTLE bit of color, but stay away from all those heavily colored advertising sections).  Last summer it worked pretty well.  I intend to have all the paths finished this year, and I'll let you know how it goes.  That back path and several others were mulched with landscaping cloth and grass clippings -- major mistake!  Stuff grew up through the landscaping fabric, and made it impossible to completely uproot.  I'm not removing the fabric just now, but will top it with my newspaper/wood chip experiment.

  This bed on the right, as I said, is the herb and asparagus bed.  Asparagus doesn't like its roots disturbed, so I can't put in any pretty little border of herbs or flowers.  And the strawberries, remember, are at the left of this photo.  Midwinter, on a really warm day, I dug strawberry plants from the path and transplanted them into the bed, back at the rear part that isn't mulched.  Many of them look like they've survived, though you can't see it here.  In that east-west running bed at the very rear of the photo are the raspberries that need cutting back ("Autumn Gold" -- they produce well in late summer and fall, and are a pretty yellow color, not red, but taste just the same).  It all needs a very early-season cover of compost and manure.  I think this year I'm going to buy bags of it at Kmart or the garden supply store.  I may work on making a pile from the stockyard and my own cold-compost pile (which means LOADS of miscellaneous seeds survive, and lots of gravel from the stockyard manure), but this year I'll do myself a favor.

So I'm working on some cheap, simple solutions for "jazzing up" or beautifying my veggie garden.  I'm also thinking about a PVC or even metal-pipe "arbor" for over my pretty little gate.  But that's only thinking.  I'll be stringing either disposable aluminum pie plates or trash CDs (I get them in the mail from AOL, etc.) to scare off the deer from my grapes and raspberries.  And I'll be looking in my garden books, though they usually have things like elaborate arbors and charming little picket fences, neither of which I can afford (or have the energy for).  What I'm most interested in is:  What do YOU think?  Do you have clever, even quirky ideas for adding some charm to the utilitarian look?  Can anyone out there help me?  I'll be posting pictures as I continue to address this eyesore, both in the next week, and in the lovely seasons following.

On Retreat, and a Bit of Shopping

I went out this morning for two reasons: to buy some yummy groceries for my retreat menu, and to pick up a plastic bin to pack away all my red winter decorations.  It's just about time to make way for green springtime decor.  Of course, I always get distracted from my mission, and I found a bunch of stuff at Big Lots that I simply had to have.  But there's also a (relatively) new Roman Catholic book & supply store in town, and I decided to stop there, thinking I might get one of those large glass candles to burn for the duration of my retreat (just a little extra blessing).

Well, I did get my groceries and my bin, but look what else I found!

The Virgin of Guadalupe is, of course, technically considered to be one of the only American black madonnas, and she is suitably elaborate, done here mostly in varying shades of foil.  I love her.  Plus I had a great talk with the two women who run the store about pilgrimage travel and black madonnas.

I'm off now for a couple of hours of reading and art-making before I prepare my lunch.  The temperatures are slowly rising here (by Monday it's supposed to be in the 60s), our 2-day snow is melting, and I'm having the most delicious time.  More later, I'm sure.

The Life of the Mind

Tomorrow I am taking a single vacation day from work.  Combined with my two regular days off (which I take whenever possible), I have 3 days off -- a nice chunk of time to be away from church work.  No, it's not as good as a week with my family, or two weeks in Buffalo or Italy (let's see, all other things being equal, how could I choose between Buffalo and Italy?).  But it's time away.  I have planned my time in the past, when I've scheduled time off.  But this time I played.  I scheduled the whole three days.  I designed a retreat.  I have allowed for art, reading, writing, nature, and lots of fun time, too.  I printed myself an elegant program of offerings.  After I playfully designed it for myself, I thought that it might be something others would enjoy.  Of course, if I really had the space for others here in my home, (well, I do have 3 guest beds, but work space is at a minimum, unless I use the church hall, too), I might build in more options and flexibility.  But this is how I will spend my next 3 days:

Download a_life_of_the_mind_retreat.doc

It is a MS Word document.  I can't seem to import multiple pages directly.  I hope you'll take a look at it.  For me, it's perfect.  Some comments:  I've begun eating oatmeal daily for breakfast, and find it delicious (with the fruit added) and filling.  I prefer the steel-cut oats to rolled oats, but am using up a very old box of rolled oats before I resume the delicious steel-cut ones.  Making oatmeal with milk (even lowfat) ratheer than water certainly kicks it up a notch, as Emeril would say.  Certainly for more than one person, I'd have to incorporate more breakfast options, though it would never be a buffet!  Of course I incorporated my current art and reading projects.  And I love to watch TV (Friday night is a very good TV night).  We have the luxury in this town of a yoga studio and teacher that people come to from miles around.  She spent years studying and India and teaching in New York City before she relocated here to be near her parents, who retired here.  What a gift my teacher (dare I call her a guru?  Maybe not!) is!

Even though I have no immediate plans to offer this private and personal retreat to others, I'd love your feedback.  Is this something you'd attend?  How would you change it, if you could?  What parts particularly engage you?  I only ask because I began by designing something that would appeal to only me (since I'm the only one on this retreat).  But I know I love providing quiet days for my parish, even to the small number who attend.  It occurred to me that this is something I'd travel and probably pay big bucks to attend, especially if I got my exquisite massage therapist to come in and offer massage to participants who chose to purchase it.

At any rate, it was great fun.  I intend to put my schedule into a folder and luxuriate in it.  I will not think of work one time.  I will emerge feeling as though I'd had a vacation at the shore.  And I welcome your constructive feedback!

Springtime, and Thought for the Day

I'm sorry I don't post more often.  My friends Fran & Loretta are my heroes for regular posting.  Someday I hope to get there.  But a Lent is a busy time in a priest's life, as it involves both more things in the parish and a springtime surge in other activities, as well.  I'm also, I confess, in just a little slump about having finished my spiritual direction program, and only now beginning to formulate my next "independent study" program.

But I did get 2 takers on my "pay it forward" giveaway, and am happily planning something clever and crafty to send away.  I'm actually pretty excited about it.

And my garden!  I have Lenten roses, viburnum, crocuses, and snowdrops blooming, with another shrub (I can never remember the name, but must cut it back after it blooms) just about to burst forth.  My head is full of fantasies for my perennials, and at this time of year there's so much hope for actually keeping things under control in the coming season.

Plus I'm about to change over from predominantly red indoors (winter holidays colors) to green (for St. Patrick's, Easter, and springtime), and so keep finding green things that need to be moved from other parts of the house into the parts where I live most (living room, study, and dining room).

I've also been using Freecycle to get rid of some odds and ends that were cluttering up my garage.  Every time I look around, I find more stuff to offer.  It's really fun, to just give away stuff I've accumulated that I'll never use again.  I just gave away my cute little one-speed bicycle to someone who, coincidentally, works in my veteranarian's office!

So I've been managing to keep myself busy with puttering and the church.  Maybe after Easter I'll do better at regular posting here....

Paying it Forward

Okay, my friend Fran has suggested a fun activity -- to offer a giveaway to the first THREE (3) responders to this post.  I do not even know what it will be, but I will send you something if you are one of the first three.  It could be something I make.  It could be something I find.  But if you are one of the first 3, you will need to send me your snail-mail address so that I can send you my giveaway item.  You must also "pay it forward" by agreeing to do the same.  You must post on your own blog -- and follow through!  I love this, that everyone gets something!  The abundance somehow doesn't feel very "Lenten" and sacrificial -- maybe that's why I'm excited about it!

Tagged, and So Much More!

I have been tagged by my new friend, Stacey, for the following meme:

Here are the rules:

1. Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.
2. Share 5 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
3. Tag 5 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
4. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Now, I've already posted a list of 7 early in 2007.  So I don't know how many more random/weird/even slightly interesting facts about myself that I can come up with.  But I'll do my best, and here goes:

1. I was positive that I was not creative/could not make art for most of my life.  Nobody ever told me that if I practiced, I'd get better.  Nobody ever told me that just because my art didn't look like "fine art" that I saw in museums, it was okay.  Nobody ever told me that everyone is creative and has their own unique vision to share with the world.  I was good with language and knew I could write, but never dreamed I'd ever be able to make visual images that pleased me and others, too.
2. I like singing songs to my dogs, including "You Are So Beautiful To Me," "My Darlin' Clementine," and "Love Puppy, Love Puppy, Give Me Your Hand."  I also use the old basketball cheer:  "Buddy, Buddy, he's our man -- he can't do it, no one can!"  Hey, I don't get out much.
3. I can't for the life of me figure out why it's so darned hard to lose weight now that I'm in my 50s, and yet gaining pounds is as easy as breathing.
4. My big life goal is to find a way to combine travel, writing, art, and religion/spirituality into a living wage, or to be in a situation where I don't need to earn a living wage (see below).
5. My big secret life goal is to get fabulously fit and thin, and marry Paul McCartney or some other handsome multimillionaire (his/our fame is not necessary, though it might be fun, but in my fantasy, riches certainly are, and I'll admit Paul McCartney has figured prominently on and off since I was oh, about 11).

Oh, this may be way, way too much information!  I'm almost blushing!  I'll include my "tags" at the end of the post, as instructed, but there is more to tell.

I'm excited to say that I've become part of an exciting endeavor (or endeavour) by the selfsame Stacey who tagged me for the above exercise in self-humiliation:  I have an article on dreams and creativity published here.  Sorry, you can only see a blurb about this really neat e-magazine here, though if you subscribe to the email newsletter, you would learn a little more.  But Stacey promises to send me my own article in a .pdf file later, and I will do my best to make that availabe here on the blog.  She has also given me the fabulous opportunity to be part of her Panel of Experts, which means I get to write articles, create art work and publish it, and even offer e-classes (more about this in the future, I know)!  I am so honored, and so excited.  I know, I know, just yesterday I said I thought I needed to be Joshua for a while and just wait for what's next.  But this is really just too exciting to pass by.

On a slightly less-exciting, but still good for me front, I finally had an eye exam and ordered some new glasses.  It has been maybe 3 years since I've had any new ones, and I've lived with falling-apart frames that I hated for all that time, and lenses that I scratched badly when I fell and collided with a creek rock.  I know, I'm hard on things.  My glasses go off-and-on-again dozens of times a day, as I tend to remove them for reading and computer work.  But the screw has been falling out almost since I bought them, causing the lens to fall to the ground (thank God it landed on the step when I was doing the rain forest canopy zip line tour in Costa Rica in 2006) -- and the temple comes apart from the front part of the frame on a regular basis, too.  Why has it taken me so long?  Who knows?  So often many of us women neglect 'basic maintenance" on our physical well-being.  Everything and everyone else is more important than we are!  But it feels like a major gift to myself, to have it taken care of -- and I discovered that my optical coverage on my new insurance is better than it was when I got my previous glasses!  So congratulations to me!

As far as other tags for the 5 unusual facts meme, I'll tag a few of my best blog buddies:  Fran, Ellie, Hedwyg, TBird, and Michael.  See you all soon!

Down off the Mountaintop

Interesting that this Sunday's assigned readings are the Transfiguration -- the origin of that "down off the mountaintop" phrase.  That's what's on my mind tonight.  It hasn't been an entirely easy week and a half, coming back to the real world after my graduation weekend, which was both literally and metaphorically a mountaintop experience.  I came back to many pastoral care needs, large and small.  It's hard being in a parish made up primarily of retirement-age and older people who inevitably go from vibrant, active retirement to increasing frailty and illness, eventually to decline and death.  Just now one of my best-beloveds in the parish (I know, I shouldn't have favorites, but it's an impossible expectation) is facing very serious heart surgery.  His bride of only 12 years (they are both in their 80s) is worried sick.  He is amazingly calm and accepting, whatever the outcome of this risky procedure may be.  My heart is breaking.  And he's not the only one, of course.  It has happened over and over in my 5 years here, and will continue to happen more as my tenure here increases.  Yes, of course, there is always an influx of new members (mostly young, healthy retirees who move to this area, the retirement capital of the midwest), who I also come to love.  But that doesn't make the loss any less painful, even though I truly believe the ones who die are in a wonderful place.

I'm also left after my graduation with this great void, wondering, "Okay, what's next?"  I'm caught between wanting to create a dozen projects right away, in order to fill that void (the loss of a program I was passionate about), and on the other hand, suspecting that a bit of fallow time is probably what I need -- a time to grieve, a time to discern.  I already have a half-dozen projects in mind.  What I know is that I need to be doing something creative (more about this in a minute), something spiritual, and something physical.

I think I'm finally back on track with my exercise practices, which haven't been anything approaching normal since Christmas when I was sick.  I'm back to running with the dogs (well, what I call my "old lady runs" -- I run where it's downhill or flat, but mostly walk uphill, and it's quite hilly here in the mountains), and back to yoga.  I know when I run, it's definitely going to be a good day.  I attribute it to the endorphins that get kicked up when my heart rate elevates.  It's also good mindfulness practice, whether it's feeling how sore and out of breath I can get, delighting in the shenanigans of my dogs, or noticing the beauty of the geography where I live.  I credit yoga with changing my life.  It has taught me to love my body (yes, even this aching, overweight, aging body), and it quickly became a spiritual practice, as well.  There were times during savasana that I felt pure bliss -- enough to bring tears to my eyes and a song to my soul.  And I am poorer when I'm unable to get to 3 classes a week, since I can't seem to discipline myself to have a daily home practice.

I've actually been making some art since I got home.  Yesterday I went to a friend's birthday party.  She always invites 2-3 dozen women to come to lunch in some restaurant that can accommodate us all, and insists on "cards only, no gifts."  Some of us go to great lengths now to create handmade and elaborate cards -- I saw that at least half her cards (of course we pass them around the tables) were handmade: some very fine, some very simple, but all lovely.  I made a large card (perhaps 8x11 or 9x12 -- didn't measure) with a decoupaged picture of an angel (her theme this year), a hand-crafted border, and "Ave" (greetings) painted below, with my birthday wish on the back.  I should have photographed it for you!  I coated it with acrylic gloss finish and it was barely dry by the time I had to leave!  I had a picture in my head of what I wanted my greeting to look like, how I wanted to write it -- and it actually came out very much as I wanted it to.  That's new for me, and I think maybe artistic progress.  I'm getting technically just that teeny bit better so that I can come closer to realizing the vision that I have in my head.  I love that.  What fun it was!

Tonight I'm making a collage for the inside front page of my journal.  I thought it might be a black madonna.  I thought it might be something spiritual.  Turns out, once I got to my studio, I was drawn to my paper souvenirs from Italy, and it's going to be Italian (pictures, ticket stubs, business cards, etc -- I guess they're called "ephemera"), on a red acrylic painted background.  I'm usually surprised by what happens, and this one is no exception!

So I've got physical and creative practices back in my life.  You would think spiritual would be easy for a priest.  It is, in a way.  I pray daily, and I mean it when I pray -- it's not just an empty practice.  Wednesdays I do centering prayer, and in our savasana at yoga class (the "corpse pose," the resting period at the end) I do my best to clear my mind and just rest in the presence of the Holy.  But there's nothing setting my heart on fire just now.  When I was cramming my head with all those spiritual books, doing the suggested spiritual exercises, it all felt much more alive and passionate.  It will come again, I know -- probably sooner, rather than later.  But now it feels just a little blah.

There is some good news, I think.  An elderly parishioner has decided, it seems, to become my "fairy godmother."  She's a great and very interesting lady, recently received an inheritance from her beloved sister, and I think is doing a little "life review," having also lost her husband a year and a half ago.  She has no children, and I think she wants to leave a little something that will outlive her.  At any rate, she has offered to help financially with my sabbatical, but also wants me to write a book (or an outline and first chapter, at least), which she will shop around to various agents with whom she has connections -- she has published at least one book, and also sells her paintings.  I don't know if this will truly go anywhere at all, but it's kind of exciting to think about.  I don't even know if it's ethical -- I need to think and pray more about that, I suppose -- to accept all this assistance from her.  Perhaps I really need to channel the money into the church, since she's a member here.  I would never want to use my position as her priest for personal gain from her.  I need to talk to others, I think -- my Bishop and spiritual director, to start with.  I have no problem with the assistance with writing a book -- non-monetary help -- but I'm not so sure about the other.  Any thoughts?

No photos today.  As I said before, my digital camera is broken -- it's quite a bit outdated, anyway, and so needs to be replaced.  Only my phone camera works -- no flash, less megapixils.  Time to buy a new one, but it's on my list, after new glasses and car maintenance and some bills that need to be paid.  It may be summer before I can take really good shots!

Snow is predicted for tomorrow, February 1, but I know that by mid-month, the witch hazel will be blooming!  Spring is almost here!